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Q.Dear Referee,

Is the 'World Cup' called the 'World Cup' all over the world, or do other countries have a different name for it?

Jo, 39, Merseyside

A.Dear Jo,

Obviously the phrase 'World Cup' has been translated into all the crude languages and dialects of FIFA the international body of football, despite this the phrase endures in almost all countries around the world, except of course for the USA. Here it is called the 'INTERGALACTIC SOCCER CUP!'. State Side the term 'world' is used to refer to continental North America and a handful of 'tin-pot- Juntas' owned or once-owned by the USA, for example the 'World Series' Baseball, and the crowning of the Football world Champions at the American Super bowl.

I hope that answers your question

Referee

Q.Dear Referee,

why aren't the games played at prime time, Eastern (Atlantic) time?

Charlene, Arizona, USA

A.Dear Charlene,

That is a very good question and one with which I have some sympathy. In the days when things used to be done for a sensible reason Football kick off time was 3 o'clock. The public houses (bars) would close in accordance with licensing laws, introduced in wartime England, in a bid to stop the great unwashed self-medicating against growing depression, and the match would take over. The hours of Football were thus enshrined in the English way of life for 3 generations. Then a 'Johnny foreigner' came along called Rupert Murdoch, and stuffed it all up!

However, Charlene, Football by devine decree should always be played in Greenwich Mean Time (GMT), for not only did the English invent football we invented time too!

Football has its origins in Medieval England, and became so popular the Monarchy tried to have it banned, they frown upon it even to this day (when did you last see the Queen at the FA Cup Final)? Time was invented by an English Carpenter John Harrison in 1755 at a time of his choosing. He was at that time hailed a genius, but eventually his fall from grace was sealed when the Woodworker from Wakefield invented 'Time and a half', 'Double time and finally the 'Tea break' in 1769.

I hope that answers your question

Referee

Q.Dear Referee,

why can't they make a team of superhuman footballers by getting them to take part in a secret Government experiment that goes wrong under mysterious circumstances?

Jack 10yrs, Stoke England.

A.Oh my goodness! Nice Idea Jack.

Unfortunately the Super-Heroes of yester-year were the product of massive doses of good radiation, the type that existed in the late 1950's and 1960's. Sadly none of this survives. All the remains today is the kind of bad radiation that shrivels up your genitals and makes your hair fall out. Despite this there was for a brief time a secret attempt to produce a superhuman referee, with the most horrible of repercussions.

I hope that satisfies your curiosity.

Referee